lost

Why do i feel so lost? amidst all the people in my life, the work i have, the extra curricular activities i take-- i am still lost. The bible says, God will help us find our way only if we let him. Let him? How? i pray. i ask for his forgiveness, for his guidance and for him to take charge of my life. i have done those things yet... i am still at a loss.

Maybe i am clueless. Maybe i am just making excuses for my laziness and for the wrong choices i made knowing that they were wrong. I am hopelessly unsure of my self and the worse thing is i let myself believe i have the right to be mad at unsuspecting people who make my mistakes stand out more than i would have wanted it to. i know i was wrong. but i just don't know how to go about the change that i want.. how?....

*big sigh*

Our Gauge

I've felt love leave me confused and bitter.. How do we gauge real love and right love then?

Maybe we see extraordinary actions and sweetness... Maybe we hear the sweetest words... maybe? Maybe not.

In the end the only honest way we could gauge real love is when we find no other reason to doubt-- not just his heart, but also our own hearts. When we learn to let go of the past and trust that the future in front of us is what's meant for us.

Your heart will define when. You'll decide who.

new day...

its a new day to build our life.. to sing and dance... to have but a moment of silence.. to relax and find heaven amidst all this craziness...

i hope i could paint soon...

life

what if..

what if i like your smile..
i like your company..
what if i'm more myself when i'm with you..
when we talk of anything..

what if i enjoy our ride home together
more than i'd like to admit..
what if i enjoy teasing you about our differences,
yet secretly wish that those differences won't bother you..

what if im scared to explore what this is all about
yet im excited about all it's possibilities...
what if you'll see how much of a wreck i was before
but i've worked so hard to change..

what if i'm alone in this..

what if i'm not... what if you know all these as well,
will WE have the courage to say it out loud..

what if.

restlessness

there is a nagging feeling in my heart that has kept me preoccupied this whole day. I'm at work, i have a project that's almost due. i have a write up to finish to include in the concept proposal and yet i am at a loss.

there is a restlessness in me that seems to be drowning out my voice, my thoughts, my being. a restlessness i could not define..

it's irritating. it's puzzling. i'm tired to figure it out. i just want rest. maybe in a peaceful slumber i could dream of happy things.. that could cure my restlessness.

i don't know. i just hope.

Burst

my first painting in a long while...